(2020 - The Year of the Rat)

 I’ve been wavering on whether or not to write this post. I see so many people who are out of work showing humble honesty in how they feel and it gives me the strength every day to keep going. I’ve probably applied for a hundred jobs and each time I don’t get a response I’m sorely disappointed. This is a terrible time for so many. For those who have been laid off, my heart goes out to you. We all need to figure out how to ride out this storm, in our own unique ways. My situation is actually quite unique. I was not laid off per se. In fact when the pandemic hit I was living in a wintery paradise in western Montana. My husband and I had taken a sabbatical of sorts. After going through a traumatic course of chemo & radiation for breast cancer in 2014 and working through it all we decided life is short. So we left the comforts of life, and for the last three years we have traveled and explored the country from coast to coast. We lived in our van, we parked in truck plazas for the night, we lived in cabins, we stayed with friends and family, we had jobs. Trust me, it was unconventional and at times we were stressed but mostly it was magical. How many people do you know who have a college degree, has worked in corporate America, but says “let’s live off the grid for a while”. I know, it sounds completely nuts. Our friends and family thought so. We have lived on every side of the country. From Arizona to Portland to Florida to Georgia to Montana, and now we’re back to where we consider our real home- Arizona. To say the least these last 3 years have been eye opening. It has given me a sense of humbling and acceptance. Closely interacting with so many different people of various cultures and creeds is the best school of life I could ever imagine. Which brings me to present day- unemployed in the middle of a pandemic. We couldn’t have ever imagined our world would be turned upside down like this. Before the pandemic hit I had organized a good plan for our life moving forward. Our time for living uprooted had finally come to a close. This was a plan that got side swiped, blind-sided. Our time in Montana was already scheduled to end May 1st. The pandemic hit in March and I got laid off from my seasonal job there, working at a hot springs resort. May 1st comes around and it’s time to leave, for the PLAN to start. The PLAN was to move back “home” for good, find good jobs, eventually buy a house. We were ready to finally settle down. It was perfect... 

Well the PLAN is still in action, however maybe we’ll achieve our goals a little later than expected. Now everything is weird. Unpredictable. We (like so many others) are doing our very best to get through this. Although we have our challenges right now, and after my Montana unemployment ran out in June, trust me there were a couple of times we could only afford to eat ramen noodles. But I have to be grateful for what I do have and having so much more than others who live in complete poverty. Others who don’t have the friends & family like we do.  

Plan of Action

Only 6 more to go! I'm doing the infusions of taxol/herceptin every Friday until October 31. The day can't come fast enough. I noticed today my leg hair has started to grow back, lol. So the latest on my plan of action is this: The next step would be radiation for 4 straight weeks, every day. That would happen after my "last" chemo oct 31. I've started meeting with my doctors to gather all the info and to make an informed decision: Do I do the radiation or do I go for mastectomy? Since the genetic test came back negetive the oncologist has recommended radiation she said the outcome would be the same either way. Some women opt for mastectomy based on personal choice and piece of mind. I'll be meeting with my surgeon and radiation oncologist later next month so I'll make my final decision then. It's all kinda overwhelming but I do feel real good about my future prognosis. I received the percentages based on my personal diagnosis and with all this aggressive treatment I'm getting it brings any chance of recurrence down to like 5%. I also learned that my diagnosis of HER2+ was considered boarderline up until this year and I would not have been a candidate for Heceptin last year. The fact that I can take Herceptin dereases any chance of recurrence even more because it's a targeted therapy. 

How am I feeling? Still having difficult days and good days but lately more good than bad. Been getting to a yoga class at least twice a week and try to walk twice a week too. The steroids have caused me to gain almost 5 pounds and it happened really quickly so I'm having a bit of body image issues now but the exercise helps. Feeling stronger now, the muscle weakness is starting to subside.

I'll let u guys know how I'm doing along the way. 

Halfway There

I've been slacking on posting things. Was unexpectedly side tracked and taken down for a while. I finished the first round 4 weeks ago. Thank goodness cause that was the toughest and most nasty thing I've ever experienced. Those meds made me feel like I wanted to die, my emotional state wasn't very good and it was difficult to talk to anyone over the phone so I apologize to those who tried to call me. 

I'm currently on new meds (the second round) which I take every Friday - my last one of those is on Halloween! All the chemo nurses are dressing up in costumes so I'm planning my costume now- by the way chemo nurses are the NICEST NURSES, I've become close with a few of them. Anyway, after October I will continue with chemo (the third round) until next Summer, but there will be no side effects and my hair will start to grow back. 

I'm getting used to being bald (well not completely bald so far I still have some stubble). I was feeling like a circus freak for a while but now it's not so bad I guess. The main thing that concerns me now is getting back into shape- practicing patience. Now that I have more energy and I don't feel sick I've started walking and getting back to the yoga studio (thank u Jim, I love u). I've really missed my little yoga family and seeing them really lifts my spirits.

Some people have asked about my prognosis. Cancer is a weird thing cause the cells can't be tracked or anything. Basically u just do the treatment and hope for the best. However my prognosis has been really good since the beginning. Since it's stage 1 and didn't spread anywhere, it's like 95% chance for survival. After chemo I decide if I do radiation or mastectomy, but basically now waiting for my genetic testing results to come in before making those decisions.

Well that's it for now- just want to say thank u so much to everyone who donated to my fund I want u to know how incredibly helpful it's been. I begun to pay some of my bills without the added stress. I love u all.

Round Three... (Cha Ching!)

Ok well I'm starting this blog a little late. It's been 3 months since I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. Big shocker! Guess it's taken this long to accept and let it all sink in. I just finished my third session of the first round of meds. They've been pretty harsh on my body with sickness feelings and utter fatigue. I've lost most of my hair at this point, at first it was difficult, but I'm beginning to embrace it (kinda). However I'm pulling through and still makin the 24 mile drive each way to work. Only one more session of the hardest ones and I'm halfway done, and on to the "easier part" (from what I've heard). Thank u to everyone who has been there to support in all ways, I couldn't do it without you. ❤️